Flashes of Ice
by Morganeth Taren'drel
Summary: Summer Camp Week 4 prompt Firefly. And introspective look at a moment in one of the pilots lives. Enjoy!


**AN**: So I didn't think I'd get another fic idea for this weeks prompt but there I was ready for bed about to fall asleep when I had this idea. Had to handwrite it because I'd shut down my laptop. Not sure what I think of it, but I'm going to share it all the same, I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing

**Flashes of Ice**

The sun had nearly set casting the world in a dim glow, which grayed around the edges stealing colors. It felt familiar to him, but not because he'd seen it so many times before; no this reminded him of something distant and cold, even the flashing lights of the fireflies fueled the sensation that he was once looking at something else something vast and full, but at the same time so empty. The memories were there but buried deep in his mind in a black hole he was too afraid to touch.

No matter the shivers that ran down his spin, he continued to come to the edge of the forest and watch as the world fell asleep, all the while his own world was awakening behind him. Glancing back over his shoulder he felt a wave of emotion wash over him. That too was familiar it had drawn him in when he was lost and alone.

Looking back to the cold forest he shivered again, he'd been drawn to the warmth, like a moth to flame, and had found it in the arms of his big sisters. Only she could drive away that frozen core inside him, those icy breaths which left him shaking and in pain. She'd taken him in without a word, and it had just felt right like he'd known her before; perhaps somewhere deep in though forbidden memories.

Fear or not there were times he thought he ought to push into that darkness and discover who and what he truly was. There was a nagging thought in the very back of his mind that he should be doing more with his life than performing; that there was something only he could do. There were times when he saw flashes from that blackness, when he was defenseless in sleep they came, not fully a vision, nor truly a nightmare. They lit up in his mind for an instant like the flash of a firefly among the shadows of the forest.

It was at these times when the world went gray that he wondered most, was this what he was truly meant to do with his life? Perform for cheering audiences with his sister at his side? It came naturally to him, as naturally as breathing, but somehow it left him empty inside. He had another calling, though he didn't know what, his mind wanted to remember but his flesh was weak. It felt like icy fingers were crawling inside him, and he wrapped his arms around his chest in a vain attempt to ward it off.

There was a piece of his life missing and the longer it was lost the deeper he hurt. He just wasn't brave enough to search for it, somehow he knew no matter how much he had to face it, doing so would only bring further pain.

"There you are," a cheerful feminine voice spoke from behind. He didn't bother to turn knowing immediately who it was. His sister wrapped her arms around him pressing gently against his back allowing her warmth to radiate into him.

They stood there in silence for a moment, "Watching the fireflies?" she asked standing on her tip toes so she could rest her chin on his shoulder.

He blinked emerald eyes focusing in on those tiny little bugs glittering through the woods; whose tiny flashes reminded him of his dreams, "I don't know if I want to," he answered cryptically.

If Catherine was confused by this she didn't let it show, besides this wasn't the first time; with his thoughts all jumbled even he had a hard time making sense of it all.

She hugged him a little tighter, "C'mon its show time."

It was the same routine every night, but he couldn't stop himself; his subconscious knew, and it wanted him to know. Trowa knew one of these nights he'd be willing to open that door; but once again it wasn't tonight.

With Catherine on his arm her warmth still radiating through him, Trowa made his way back to the circus; the only life and home he knew.

Thanks for Reading!

Morganeth Taren'drel


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